| Q. Can I have flower girls in lieu of | | | | mind. It might be a something very logical. |
| bridesmaids? | | | | Is your wedding the next day? If so, let the |
| | | | poor child sleep! You will be sorry if you |
| A: How darling! In Victorian England, having | | | | don't! Check in with the parents, too. Maybe |
| child attendants was all the rage, and it's | | | | they already have a plan (i.e., a babysitter |
| still a popular British custom. Your only | | | | is coming to pick them up at 9:30). |
| problem? Making sure that the women (or men) | | | | |
| close to you are still on board to help out | | | | Q. I'm a bridesmaid, and the bride's having |
| with pre-wedding tasks, throwing a shower, | | | | her baby sister as the flower girl. I mean, |
| and much more. Even the cutest flower girls | | | | she's cute, but I really don't want to have |
| in the world can't provide you with the help | | | | to be in charge of policing a 4-year-old's |
| you'll need for this event. So if you go the | | | | every move. Is "babysitting" her one of my |
| flower girl route, make sure to publicly | | | | duties? |
| thank the fairy godmothers who help to make | | | | |
| your wedding happen (in the program or at the | | | | A. Yes and no. For the day of the wedding, |
| reception) and throw in a nice gift, too. | | | | the bride may ask you to check her sister's |
| | | | appearance before she goes down the aisle, |
| Q. My daughter is a flower girl in my | | | | smooth her dress, fix her hair wreath, etc. |
| sister's wedding. We've had conversations | | | | You might also have to take her to the |
| about her attire, but it's unclear who's | | | | restroom a couple of times. You can handle |
| paying. I want her to look picture perfect, | | | | this, we know you can! As for the reception, |
| too, but what's the deal? | | | | we think you're off the hook. Parents will |
| | | | probably take charge, anyway. When it comes |
| A. Usually, child attendants' parents pay for | | | | to the party, you should be free to run with |
| their clothes, but the bride and groom will | | | | an older crowd. But, ask what the |
| sometimes purchase a flower girl's dress (or | | | | expectations of the bride are first. But, yes |
| a ring bearer's adorable little suit) as a | | | | during the ceremony, if you've been asked, |
| gift. Ask your sister in plain terms, so that | | | | you must be someone the bride trusts, so be |
| there are no misunderstandings. If they're | | | | honored! |
| receptive, maybe you can split it, or, you | | | | |
| pay for dress, they pay for accessories and | | | | Q. Does the flower girl or ring bearer stand |
| shoes. Just keep in mind that, like | | | | in the receiving line? |
| bridesmaids and groomsmen, agreeing to be in | | | | |
| the wedding generally means you're willing to | | | | A. Not usually, but if she's daughter or son |
| purchase an outfit. So, we say go for a | | | | to one of the newlyweds, then they should |
| multi-purpose gown (the wedding, birthday | | | | definitely be included. This is a big day for |
| parties, holidays, etc.). Paying for your | | | | them, too. Don't forget her/him. |
| childs outfit is not in lieu of a wedding | | | | |
| gift(s). So isn't it great our dresses are so | | | | Q. I'm one of 6 bridesmaids, and I was |
| inexpensive? | | | | wondering what the seating at the head table |
| | | | should be. In addition to the 12 attendants |
| Q. There's some concern about inviting our | | | | (6 guys for the 6 girls), there are two |
| 6-year-old flower girl (a niece) and | | | | 5-year-old flower girls. Is it proper for the |
| 4-year-old ring bearer (a nephew) to the | | | | girls to sit with us or should be directed to |
| rehearsal dinner, especially since the | | | | sit with their parents? |
| reservation is for 8pm. My fiance's mother | | | | |
| does not want to invite them to the dinner | | | | A. It's not up to anyone in the the wedding |
| because they are so young; my parents | | | | party to decide where anyone's going to sit |
| disagree -- they are part of the wedding | | | | at the reception -- only the bride and groom |
| party. I can understand both points of view, | | | | can say that. And it really would go back to |
| but I don't know what we would do with them | | | | what they gave the caterer or event planner |
| after the rehearsal. Who makes the call? The | | | | for seating arrangements. Still, the young |
| host (my fiance's mom) or the couple? | | | | children in the wedding party (under 12) |
| | | | generally sit with their parents at the |
| A. There's no strict etiquette -- whether or | | | | reception. Its only fair because the parents |
| not child attendants are invited to the | | | | are the ones who know what they will and will |
| rehearsal dinner is up to you ("you" meaning | | | | not eat. |
| the couple and the hosts of the party, often | | | | |
| the groom's parents). It is appropriate to | | | | Are the flower girls or ring bearers |
| invite her to the dinner, since she will be | | | | daughters or sons to the bride or groom? If |
| at the rehearsal and they are part of the | | | | that's the case, then you should count on |
| wedding party -- especially if their parents | | | | sharing table space with their little ones |
| will be there, too! Perhaps you and your | | | | and helping out as much as you can! Remember, |
| fiance should try to talk about this issue | | | | this is only one day, try to help make it as |
| with his mom to see if you can change her | | | | smooth as possible. |