lower Girl and Ring Bearer Etiquette

Q. Can I have flower girls in lieu of bridesmaids?mind. It might be a something very logical. Is your
A: How darling! In Victorian England, having childwedding the next day? If so, let the poor child sleep!
attendants was all the rage, and it's still a popularYou will be sorry if you don't! Check in with the
British custom. Your only problem? Making sure thatparents, too. Maybe they already have a plan (i.e., a
the women (or men) close to you are still on boardbabysitter is coming to pick them up at 9:30).
to help out with pre-wedding tasks, throwing aQ. I'm a bridesmaid, and the bride's having her baby
shower, and much more. Even the cutest flower girlssister as the flower girl. I mean, she's cute, but I
in the world can't provide you with the help you'llreally don't want to have to be in charge of policing a
need for this event. So if you go the flower girl4-year-old's every move. Is "babysitting" her one of
route, make sure to publicly thank the fairymy duties?
godmothers who help to make your wedding happenA. Yes and no. For the day of the wedding, the bride
(in the program or at the reception) and throw in amay ask you to check her sister's appearance before
nice gift, too.she goes down the aisle, smooth her dress, fix her
Q. My daughter is a flower girl in my sister's wedding.hair wreath, etc. You might also have to take her to
We've had conversations about her attire, but it'sthe restroom a couple of times. You can handle this,
unclear who's paying. I want her to look picturewe know you can! As for the reception, we think
perfect, too, but what's the deal?you're off the hook. Parents will probably take
A. Usually, child attendants' parents pay for theircharge, anyway. When it comes to the party, you
clothes, but the bride and groom will sometimesshould be free to run with an older crowd. But, ask
purchase a flower girl's dress (or a ring bearer'swhat the expectations of the bride are first. But, yes
adorable little suit) as a gift. Ask your sister in plainduring the ceremony, if you've been asked, you must
terms, so that there are no misunderstandings. Ifbe someone the bride trusts, so be honored!
they're receptive, maybe you can split it, or, you payQ. Does the flower girl or ring bearer stand in the
for dress, they pay for accessories and shoes. Justreceiving line?
keep in mind that, like bridesmaids and groomsmen,A. Not usually, but if she's daughter or son to one of
agreeing to be in the wedding generally means you'rethe newlyweds, then they should definitely be
willing to purchase an outfit. So, we say go for aincluded. This is a big day for them, too. Don't forget
multi-purpose gown (the wedding, birthday parties,her/him.
holidays, etc.). Paying for your childs outfit is not inQ. I'm one of 6 bridesmaids, and I was wondering
lieu of a wedding gift(s). So isn't it great our dresseswhat the seating at the head table should be. In
are so inexpensive?addition to the 12 attendants (6 guys for the 6 girls),
Q. There's some concern about inviting our 6-year-oldthere are two 5-year-old flower girls. Is it proper for
flower girl (a niece) and 4-year-old ring bearer (athe girls to sit with us or should be directed to sit
nephew) to the rehearsal dinner, especially since thewith their parents?
reservation is for 8pm. My fiance's mother does notA. It's not up to anyone in the the wedding party to
want to invite them to the dinner because they aredecide where anyone's going to sit at the reception
so young; my parents disagree -- they are part of-- only the bride and groom can say that. And it really
the wedding party. I can understand both points ofwould go back to what they gave the caterer or
view, but I don't know what we would do with themevent planner for seating arrangements. Still, the
after the rehearsal. Who makes the call? The hostyoung children in the wedding party (under 12)
(my fiance's mom) or the couple?generally sit with their parents at the reception. Its
A. There's no strict etiquette -- whether or not childonly fair because the parents are the ones who
attendants are invited to the rehearsal dinner is up toknow what they will and will not eat.
you ("you" meaning the couple and the hosts of theAre the flower girls or ring bearers daughters or sons
party, often the groom's parents). It is appropriate toto the bride or groom? If that's the case, then you
invite her to the dinner, since she will be at theshould count on sharing table space with their little
rehearsal and they are part of the wedding party --ones and helping out as much as you can!
especially if their parents will be there, too! PerhapsRemember, this is only one day, try to help make it
you and your fiance should try to talk about thisas smooth as possible.
issue with his mom to see if you can change her