'I Can Write A Book In A Weekend,' And Five Other Annoying Things Beginners Say

Since every literate person can write, most peoplethere. Here's the hard truth. Some bad books (poor
think they can be writers. Interestingly enough, we allgrammar, poor structure and poor execution of a
can speak quite well, but few of us would deemplot simpler than a fairy tale) get published. I have
ourselves 'speakers.' However, this prevalent beliefplenty of dents in my wall from an effective toss.
encourages beginners to say the oddest things thatHowever, these books are probably 'placement'
make professional writers want to cringe (orbooks to fill a hole in a publishing list. Usually, these
preferably strangle them with a thin wire). If you findbooks sink and their authors are rarely heard from
yourself saying the following, please stop: 1. "I canagain. Unfortunately, the existence of these books
write a book in a weekend." I'm certain you canconvinces people that getting their book published
mutilate a couple hundred pages with words;should be a breeze. Sure, and every person with a
however, that doesn't mean that anyone will want todream to sing will become the next International Idol.
read them. Yes, I know there are prolific writers whoIs it fair? No. Do they care? No. 4. "I can write better
can write a book in two weeks (Voltaire supposedlythan that." If you can, shut up and write. Nobody
wrote Candide in three days). Usually they arewants to hear about it. It's as annoying as listening to
professionals who have mastered a style andsomeone explain what they would do if they ruled
understand the craft of writing. Have you? 2. "I canthe world-well you don't. Next! 5. "I'd write, if I had
write those 'trashy' books and make tons of money."more time." You'll never get more time; steal it. That's
Bwahaha! I love this one. Many new writers see awhat the rest of us do. 6. "I have the perfect book
200-page romance or mystery and scoff. Thesealready written in my head." Sure, and I have the
things are so easy, they tell themselves. I can writesecrets to the universe taped to the bottom of my
this in a day. I doubt it, but maybe you can. If youshoe. People who say this remind me of the naked
do, will anyone pay you to read it? That is theemperor walking down the street trying to convince
difference. Those who sell in these genres usuallyhis kingdom that he's clothed. You're fooling no one
have a passion for the craft that translates onto theexcept yourself and you look ridiculous. Writing is
page. Hate romance? Think mysteries are ridiculous?work. Writers make it look effortless because that's
Believe sci-fi is for loonies? Then don't write it, editorsour job (imagine the disappointment you would feel
and especially readers can tell. 3. "If this crap getsseeing a dancer straining to leap off the ground). I
published, I bet I could get a contract in six months."encourage anyone with a desire and passion to write
Define crap. One man's trash is another man'sfiction to do so. Write with meaning; write with truth
treasure. Don't be arrogant and think the worldand skill. Write because you must, not as a path to
should concede to your every taste (that's whatriches and stardom. It may come; it may not. The
critics are for). Every writer is not meant for everyreal writers (beginner and pro) don't talk about it;
reader. Just because you don't like a book doesn'tthey do it. Be one of those.
mean it's not good. It's just not good for you. I don'tDara Girard is an award-winning author of romance
like okra; however, that doesn't mean I need to startand nonfiction who provides support and information
an anti-okra campaign. Diversity is what makes lifefor beginning and experienced writers, to help them
interesting. Okay, okay you're not talking about taste.keep going when things get tough, or when nothing
You're talking about horrible, poorly written books.seems to be happening.
Yes, I know there are some truly bad books out